Stagnation

It seems like everything that I want to get out, is stuck in my head. The world is falling apart around me, and Mike's computer addiction is stronger than ever. It sounds so stupid saying that. But I really have no time to get on here and post. I wish I could upload to my blog straight from my brain when I am falling asleep. It is always in this time that my best thoughts come. At any rate, since I am still not sleeping, I think I might start blogging during the wee hours when my brain is teeming with thoughts and Mike is sound asleep...

Ahoy Matey!

Essay I

It's as if I just woke up from a dream. I watch my life as if it is a movie. Everything is so unreal sometimes. I wonder sometimes if anyone else has a constant narration in their head. As I walk along throughout my day, the jukebox in my skull automatically picking the perfect song. I laugh to myself as I carry along conversations with people while I am mentally weaving cartoon life all around them. The song instantly changing to set the mood. The narrator explains the situation concurrently to the nonexistent audience. And I am entertained.
Thus, my latest project. I don't know how to paint. Haven't really tried. But I am going to try and paint "still shots" from these encounters where the boredom makes pretty pictures to me.

ahhhhh

Please stop killing me, it hurts.

Busy Busy

Life has been out of control. Will post soon.
The end.

Fade To Black

He will die, Lynn. No amount of pushing it to the back of your head, or fixating on other things is going to change that fact. The when, the where, who knows. But the fact is, he will die, Lynn. You will have to go home. You will have to face your father. And you will have to face yourself. It isn't that I haven't forgiven him. It is that he thinks he has nothing to be sorry for. Can I get passed the horrible parts of the past, to remember the good. I could hear him moaning last night, when I was on the phone with mom. I've watched a lot of loved ones take their last breath. Up until now, they've been silent. This may not be the thing that kills him, but dear God, the sound. I want to forgive my brother for the things he's done. But I'm scared to death he hasn't changed his ways. Before I am his sister, I am Phoenix's mother. I have to think about him first. I have to know he's not tempted by the dragon again. I just wish there was some kind of sign saying, "IT"S SAFE". But that will never be, and my heart is all I have to go on. I love my brother, and for a long time, he was my closest confidant. I miss that brother, but I'm scared he's already dead; and this heroine monster is all that's left, feeding on my parents kindness and/or naivety? It's been a long time, brother. I hope not too long. Dear God, help us find the way before it's too late.

Colds suck

One eye won't stop watering, the other's bone dry. My face is chapped from the tissue. I hate colds. My throat hurts. But it seems, like I'm penning more stuff down... who knows maybe I'll get back in the swing of things soon.