Busy Busy

Life has been out of control. Will post soon.
The end.

Fade To Black

He will die, Lynn. No amount of pushing it to the back of your head, or fixating on other things is going to change that fact. The when, the where, who knows. But the fact is, he will die, Lynn. You will have to go home. You will have to face your father. And you will have to face yourself. It isn't that I haven't forgiven him. It is that he thinks he has nothing to be sorry for. Can I get passed the horrible parts of the past, to remember the good. I could hear him moaning last night, when I was on the phone with mom. I've watched a lot of loved ones take their last breath. Up until now, they've been silent. This may not be the thing that kills him, but dear God, the sound. I want to forgive my brother for the things he's done. But I'm scared to death he hasn't changed his ways. Before I am his sister, I am Phoenix's mother. I have to think about him first. I have to know he's not tempted by the dragon again. I just wish there was some kind of sign saying, "IT"S SAFE". But that will never be, and my heart is all I have to go on. I love my brother, and for a long time, he was my closest confidant. I miss that brother, but I'm scared he's already dead; and this heroine monster is all that's left, feeding on my parents kindness and/or naivety? It's been a long time, brother. I hope not too long. Dear God, help us find the way before it's too late.

Colds suck

One eye won't stop watering, the other's bone dry. My face is chapped from the tissue. I hate colds. My throat hurts. But it seems, like I'm penning more stuff down... who knows maybe I'll get back in the swing of things soon.

I promise...

I am going to start blogging regularly. Every single day I tell myself at least ten times, "this would make a great blog". At least a hundred times a day, I get sidetracked by life in general. I have been more sporadic about posting lately, and for that I apologize. I am going to blog more often. This time I mean it. It dawned on me at about 6:30 a.m. I organize everything. Saving for my time. Everyday the house ends up neat as a pin. Everyday it happens in a different order. M cleaning style tends to be that of a pinball. Bouncing around doing all or part of one thing or another, until they are all done. It typically goes like this: Oh the dishes need to be done. Half way through the dishes, crap the stove is icky. After the stove, the counters look like they could use a once over. Oh crap, make Mike's coffee. Wasn't I doing something? Oh yeah, the dishes. Did someone spill sugar right here? Where's the broom. This floor hasn't been mopped in a while. (Go to get the mop). Wow, the laundry/mud room needs to be gone through and reorganized. Where in the hell did he get that? Okay let's find a place for that today. Damn it there are still dishes! Two dishes later, Phoenix is thirsty. (Go to get Phoenix some juice). Oh my God! I need to clean the refrigerator A.S.A.P., and so on and so forth. Everything gets done, and everything ends up in it's place. It's just the manner in which it was organized was in complete disorganization. If that even makes sense. Sorry if all this seems quite incoherent, I seem to still be in some sort of blockage state.
The long and short of it being; if I organize my time the way I do my house, I will always have time to do all the things I need to, because I am cutting out about a thousand trips across the house. So here's to blogging on a regular basis!

Ouch!

It's been more than a few days...and I've actually written a blog about why it takes me so long in between posts, I promise! It's just not been put up yet. At any rate the last few days have been a bit sore for me. It all started off well and good enough. My brother came up from California for the weekend. But on his second day here, (Sunday), he had to come outside and rescue me! We have new neighbors down the street, with two very mean dogs. I went outside to look for my neighbors cat because she said she hadn't seen her in two days. I was walking along when I heard growling. I turned around to be staring in the face of a not-so-happy looking pit that had already tried to attack me once. Long story short, he/she charged at me and I went the only way I could. Down a roughly 30 foot embankment between my neighbors house and ours. Lucky for me, she was standing outside and saw the whole thing. Unfortunately she thought it was hilarious. She did offer to talk to animal control if I call them though. So there is always that. Oh yeah, she found her cat. She had accidentally locked her in their art room for two days. Sheesh. The embankment is pretty steep, so I am lucky that I didn't break any bones. On the other hand, the embankment is pretty steep and the adrenaline has long since worn off. My hip feels like I borrowed it from an eighty year old ex-wrestler.

Are you sure about this gramps?

Hercules, Hercules

This is Hercules. He lives by the flood lights outside my back door. I heart him. He keeps all the mosquitoes away. Thus insuring I will not get malaria while I am sucking on a cancer stick.

Inferior

Blocked. Not that it matters. There seems to be no painting, no words, nothing coming out. And even if they did, they go to the home of all my other cerebral meanderings. Into one of the notebooks or boxes, or found receptacles of not good enough art. Nearly two years at this blogging thing, and almost nothing shared. I don't know what I was thinking. That there was going to be some miracle in blogger that would quell the self loathing, or feeling of being inferior? That after a lifetime of poems that aren't good enough, or books that are half written, or sketchbooks that none but my eyes have seen, I would suddenly put it all out there. Well it didn't quite happen like that, in fact I've learned that I am quite the procrastinator since starting this. Right now, I am frantically searching for something I wrote 2 years ago, called "Thief's Lament". I don't think anything else I ever produced came close describing me as well as it did.

Happy Birthday Juan!

I hope you are doing well! You're cookies will be in the mail tomorrow! Miss you!

His name started with a C.

The dreams keep coming, but not that one. I don't remember much except that I told myself to wake up and write the name down. I followed that with don't worry, you can wake up in the morning and write it down. I did wake up in the morning with the intention of doing so, but of course by then, I'd forgotten the name to write down. As if it isn't hard enough for me to find sleep, now I find myself waiting for this dream to come back. I'll help you Senor C., as soon as I figure out how.

none

The twinkle in my eye, is nothing more than the reflection of unshed tears

Good Night Washington

Hmmm.

Wednesday morning I failed to notice that something had spilled on the stove burner the night before. Of course this is the burner I used to boil my water for tea. It didn't take long for the fire alarm to start blaring. But it's okay Mike, don't bother to get up or anything, it was a false alarm!

Good Morning Washington

Sometime in June?

Greenhorn Photographer

FAIL!

At 4:45 a.m. I sat straight up in bed. I then proceeded to bolt up throw clothes on and run out the door. Only to realize that I forgot watching Mike take the trash can up the hill last night. I'm sure it will be funny later on.

Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

So I couldn't really find a weirdo holiday for today. So I decided to declare it "Make Up Your Own Holiday Day". How many times I've thought to myself, I wish I could make today potato day, or PEZ day, or Sleep Day! But I've finally decided that for me, today will be "Get Off Your Ass and Blog Day", or GOYAB, Day if you will. I was actually debating on if I was actually going to continue this blogging thing. I was under the assumption that no one reads them anyway, but alas today evidence of a reader! Just the impetus I need to get chugging along again. Stay tuned!

It's a holiday today!

Today is "Sons and Daughters Day". So be nice to the little rug rats! Try not to flog them when they grind the play dough in the carpet. After all it is their day!

Monkey Toes

Just because

look up at the url. I just changed it. You are now at Rkellydontpeeonme.blogspot.com That's fucking funny, well to me at least.


So shines a brief glint in an otherwise gloomy day.

I miss home today, more than usual

This is my Uncle John, my dad, and my Uncle Gilbert, right before I got into the car to come back to the vortex. I miss them more than sun.


.
This is my mom and my sister Sasha, I miss them too.



My carnalito is dope too. This is him and my mom trying to assist in the potty training of young Mister Phoenix.

Just missing them a lot today.

Smoked out

Yesterday I posted some pictures of the fire that happened here in Kalama. The building that burned down was built in 1896 and was one of the oldest structures in town, I am told. This pictures was taken a little later than the last ones, and just before flames started shooting out of the roof. The building is totaled from what I understand. There will be some aftermath photos later today.

Kalama On Fire Part Deux

Kalama On Fire

For the Kids?

Today I find myself wondering about people who stay together for the "sake of their children". I remember hearing it several times as a kid. I remember long drawn out conversations about it with kids in a not so serene home life. Is it really better for two people to be unhappy and try to fake it. Are our children really that stupid? Were we? Is the woman who stays with someone who may love her, but is definitely not in love with her, a martyr, or just stupid. Is the man who sees his wife as awesome to hang out with, but not very kissable, really doing anybody any favors? I remember watching my parents fight. A lot. I remember wondering if they would be happier apart. Don't get me wrong, they have never stepped out on each other. It just seemed like sometimes they really didn't want to be friends. I remember thinking they were stuck with each other. Stuck with each other because of me. Not my brothers, because they came later. Me. I was the accident. I was the first thing that forever bonded them. I hated myself for it. I've spent a lifetime wondering if my parents loved me. I have always wanted to ask them. Each for different reasons. Strange how something parents tried to do "for" their child, resulted in a lifetime of self doubt for that child.
So I have to wonder, is it that the thought of starting over is too hard? Is it that you like this person well enough as a friend that you think you can just ride it out? I always thought, the day my brother turned 18, my parents were done. Oddly, they seem to get along better now that we are all out of the house. Still, I find myself asking why they bother sometimes. It definitely has nothing to do with us.
Consider, if you know you get along as friends now, why wouldn't you want to end on good terms. Sure, everybody gets down. But do you really want to wait until you get into a blow out, and leave hating each other? Just some thoughts. Excuse me if they meander a little.

Awesome Sauce

Two days ago I met my neighbors. They're dope. Two hours after meeting one of them, he invited us to dinner... and we went. I know what you're thinking, 'did she eat?' The answer is yes, and it was awesome. I can't remember the last time I ate with people I didn't know for more than a year. Any one who grew up with me can attest to my sometimes taking up to five years before eating in front of someone new. The inability to break bread with others is a bit on the constricting side sometimes. It was insane. He asked, and I, for the first time since moving to the vortex, felt myself wanting to go. Wanting to meet his roommates, and wanting to eat with them. I do believe in our first encounter, the three of us talked for like four hours. That's another thing, Hermit Mchermitson liked him too. In fact, all three of us went over there for dinner. It was beyond refreshing. A welcome break in the crazy that has been my life lately. Meandering back to what I was saying, all three of them were way chill. One of them is moving this week. That part sucks, but on the bright side, we did get to meet him. The girl who lives there is great too. Super into being creative... and makes really good fish too. The owner, I only met for a minute, he was really nice too. I think he looks like someone I know, because I can't shake the familiar feeling I get when I talk to him.
Wow, this is turning into a book. Catch you on the flip side.

Dallas ignores me too.

On the Oregon Trail

Anthony Robbins said...

"In life you need either inspiration or despair."


I am not sure anymore which I have more of.

Useless Knowledge

Did you know that on average one hundred and twenty people are treated daily at U.S. hospitals due to toilet seat related incidents?

03-16-09

"He who has never hoped, can never despair."

-Edward Bernard Shaw

Happy Friday the 13th

Does anybody else think it's a little odd that this is our second Friday the 13th in a row? I guess I should have went ahead with the black nail polish and the skulls with the 13 decals. Oh well, you live and you learn. Speaking of learning. In the next few days here we are going to have a post on the different types of tea.

Far Away Friend

"If I had one gift that I could give you, my friend, it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you, because only then would you know how extremely special you are."
~B.A. Billingsly~

Words to Travel With

On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.

Buddha

Miley Cyrus

All I'm going to say is I bet I'm not the only person who thinks of the uber bitches they went to high school with at the thought of Miley Cyrus. Honestly, every time I turn that idiot box on there is something fucked up that she did again. Granted she's not acting crazed, but she's still not acting right. This last one with the "asian photo" was just enough okay. It was just a funny face. Hmmm, and the mocking of the younger costar on YouTube? That was just a joke too. I'd like to write about better things than this rot, but apparently, the news doesn't. Therefore, it's meandering around my brain until I evict it. It just bugs the shit out of me that every time she offends someone, it was just a joke that the other party took wrong. Or rather, anyone of Asian decent for that last one. She never owns up to anything. Why can't she just come out and say she's just a bitch. Plenty of wannabe divas do just that, don't they? I guess it just takes me back to high school, and the Cindys, Alyssas, and Tishes of the world. They never had to apologize for anything fucked up that they did. Shit just kept getting handed to them, while people overlooked their obvious lack of human skills.

Why do they deserve a day?

Tomorrow is Dentist's Day. I'm just saying most of the dentists I've met, save my childhood dentist, are not very nice. Plus, they are stingy with the Novocaine. Oh yeah, and what ever happened to the laughing gas? I got laughing gas all the way up to the time I stopped going to college and no longer could use my parents dental. Laughing gas was fun. As far as I can tell, all the dentist's here got some fancy operation that removed there "human" gene. They are not very personable at all. Gone seem to be the days of the small town dentist with the prize box for the kids who were good. I miss Dr. Digiorno, he was nice. I suppose if there are still dentists like him, then they deserve their own day.
Maybe, if they all tried to be a little nicer to the person who's face they are drilling, (and weren't so fucking expensive), the general population would have less of a dislike for them.

Okaaaayyy

Every year...

...more than 20,000 silver teaspoons are stolen from the Washington D.C. Hilton. Hmmm. Kinda makes you wonder why they keep buying more silver spoons.

Yurt's so dumb

So we've been working on getting a three dimensional rendering of our yurt and what we want to accomplish with it's design. Unfortunately, after talking to Mike's mom last night, I realized that if the world at large all thought the same way as her, CPS would definitely come calling when we get moved in. Apparently she not only thought that I was letting Mike move me into a tent, but also live in said tent sans electricity, or running water. I believe the exact wording was, "If Phoenix does go to public school, the second they find out he lives in a yurt, CPS will be knocking". WTF? IT IS NOT A FUCKING CANVAS BAG WITH STAKES HOLDING IT TO THE GROUND!
Yes, the original definition of a yurt is pretty much that. But the modern yurt can have all the things that a traditional house has. The only difference, is technically I can move the structures if I want, leaving virtually no traces behind. Very good for the environment, and perfect for me to have parts of my house elevated, and some not.

Sigh.

So I'm retarded. Life has been odd, and I've been neglecting this blog. *sigh* Never fear though, I am working on a new format of posting topics by week day. This way, I think I will have an easier time figuring out what to post. As of right now, I get loads of ideas a day, but never in any workable order. So yeah, off to revamp, or whatever the kids are saying these days.

Bad Lynn, Bad Lynn

I will not throttle a wretched little monster today. I will not throttle a wretched little monster today. I will not throttle a wretched little monster today. I will not throttle a wretched little monster today. I WILL NOT THROTTLE A WRETCHED LITTLE MONSTER TODAY... this doesn't seem to be working.

Woohoo!

I think I've finally drilled it into his head, that I get time to post things. This of course after minimal posting at Displaced Californian, and a general appearance of apathy here. I assure you this is not the case. We share this infernal box for the time being. Lately the weather, politics, his forum addiction, and beefing up security as there is a nasty new virus out there. Those of you wno know me, please stop scratching your heads. Even our "time machine" looking computer with it's uber security can indeed be breached. Also there is the usual life stuff drama. More to come, yes, I mean it this time!

ug

I seem to lack the impetus these days to do just about anything beyond robotics. I find myself going through the motions for the better part of the day. It seems the only time I am alive anymore is when in direct human contact with another. And even then I'm so old, I swear it takes the first five minutes of a conversation, in person or otherwise, to "warm up" so to speak.
I keep finding myself lost in retreat in the far recesses of my mind. It seems especially rampant when the boy genius is down for a nap. The stranger thing by far though, has to be that I can't seem to meditate to save my life. Whilst I keep locating myself in an incredibly lucid waking dream, or somewhere in the vast reaches of my imagination, I can't seem to, um, do it on purpose anymore, if that makes any kind of sense. I no longer possess the capability to clear my mind of my own volition, it seems. Rather, it clears itself whenever it feels it necessary I suppose. Probably another apparent point considering the haphazard manner in which I have let myself fall into posting.

2009...yay and stuff.

Happy 2009 fuckers!!! I can say that, nobody reads this, save for my other personalities. And of course the BFF. I think maybe though, she is the only one able to read it, as I am not even totally sure that my other selves can read, let alone in English. Hey I know, let's veer off the original path...oh wait. So yeah, the 2009 plan for this particular blogging experiment, is...(drum roll please), to actually post regularly, and with some semblance of structure. (Not too much). A little less procrastination and a lot more confidence. I say this because I realized that a lot of what I wanted to say, I was keeping to myself as to not "rock the boat", so to speak. So yeah, this blog is my foray into random, I should take advantage of that... oh look a bunny.